The house is quiet all day. The girls are staying with their grandparents for a few weeks while Mr. Mouse and I take care of the move. I can listen to any music I want. Or no music. Nothing. Just listening to my thoughts.
And here’s the rub. My thoughts are so loud and jumbled. All I can think of is everything that needs to be done. The stuff to get rid of. The people to call. The logistics that just don’t seem to come together. The cat. The food. The plants… No matter what I do to calm myself, the thoughts come back. The rush, the stress. That feeling that it’s simply never ending, that I’ll never be done.
It’s a good thing the girls are gone. All this whirlwind would make me so cranky with them. But I miss them.
I miss napping with V. I miss her smile and her laugh. The joy she brings everywhere she goes.
And I miss E. I miss her empathy, the way she hugs me silently when she sees my stress. I miss her thoughtfulness. Monday morning, before leaving, we sat together. She said that she had just slept her last night in our house. And I thought of her today when I looked at the swing set. I will never see the girls play on it again.
These past weeks, I’ve been so conscious of the lasts. Drinking them in. The last walk to school. The last flowers… But I missed their last time on the swing set. I didn’t commit it to memory. And there’s a feeling of loss there…
Posting may become sporadic for a while (or not depending on how I’m feeling) until we get settled in the new place. I’m taking time for myself everyday. Sewing mostly but I when I finish this project, it’ll be spinning. Or maybe drawing and doodling. I haven’t done that in such a long time and it feels like the right thing to nourish my soul and actually quiet my mind right now.